Ben Anstiss reports on the Saturday of racing at Reading Amateur Regatta last weekend...

On a rather sunny Saturday 12th June, a contingent of Imperial and Sport Imperial rowers arrived in Reading, a place with more one-way streets than it knows what to do with, in order to compete at Reading Amateur Regatta.

As often happens with head-to-head competitions, if your opponent scratches, you’re left gnashing your teeth on the bank, waiting a few more hours until your next race. Much to their frustration, this was the fate which befell the Imperial 8+, stroked by Adam Seward, entered in IM2 when UL failed to show up for 10am. Their next race, against Winchester College three hours later, failed to go to plan, with the schoolboys first eight winning by 3/4 of a length in a time of 4:33. It’s worth noting that most of these schoolboys were bigger than 2-man Matt Lunt, but then again, most people are.

The women’s coxed four were a no-show after POD suffered a rib injury (B-dawg made the Duffster pull out on precautionary grounds - nothing a bit of 24-hr AFP-rolling and extreme stretching couldn't fix), meaning that she, Duff Light (Chloe), Duff Man (Tom), Duff Organic (Selina) and Canadian Duff Malt (Christina M.) were left to paddle on the tideway rather than killing/maiming/destroying in the relative sunshine on the narrow, windy course of the Upper Thames. There was also a men’s novice coxed four entered, but due to crew changes/exams/SMW, they were also withdrawn.

Things faired slightly better for the remaining Sport Imperial crews. The women’s elite pair of Zoë Lee and Lenny Kennedy managed to hit every other buoy in their heat against LEH school girls but still maintained rate 37 the whole way, winning convincingly in a time of 5:44. Coach Brian Steele said they would get a jelly bean for each buoy they hit. Much to their relief, they succeeded in hitting every remaining buoy in the middle of the course during their final against ex-ICer (and double Women’s Henley Winner) Nicky Smith racing for City of Oxford. SI won by two and a half lengths in a spookily comparable time of 5:44. The pair entertained themselves between races thusly:
 
“A new game of spot the hotty in the boat was invented. You just shout the number of the seat the hotty is sitting in so the rest of your crew can take a look. This can be done from the boat or the bank and anyone in the boat can spot and shout. Rowing is such an inclusive sport. Beautiful.”

The women’s elite double (two more oars, a lot more Beast) had an uneventful heat, easily beating Villanova University in 5:45. As University of London failed to show, Emma Young and Kat Holloway had a row-over rather than a semi-final, allowing for much more time dozing in the back of the truck and experimenting with how long and flexible the Beast’s limbs actually are. This led to a competition of who could get their leg behind their head, won by rank outsider Sam Lindsay who managed to do it standing up. Slightly turned on by this, sun burnt, but well rested, the girls were up against Maidenhead RC in the final. Unfortunately, a pleasure cruiser decided it wanted to join in the fun of racing, turning onto the course and blocking the whole Sport Imperial lane and causing a collision. After returning to the start and setting off again, the double won by two lengths in a time of 5:44.

Post-race, and much to the Beast’s annoyance: “The ice-cream van man left early on Saturday and I am still mildly grumpy about this. I went to buy everyone ice-creams and couldn't because he had gone already so I went to get cake instead. Cake was £1 a slice from the refreshment tent. I asked if they'd be able to give me 6 pieces for a fiver and they refused. Bad times.”

The men’s IM1 coxless four (Sam Lindsay/Josh Barker/Jon Cook/Ben Anstiss) were looking forward to their first race after the hyperthermic debacle of Wallingford and their first time without a midget steersperson. Starting on the down station in the quarter-finals against Twickenham RC meant they had to come through from behind after circumnavigating the giant bend in the first 500m, eventually winning by three lengths in a time of 4:52. Having blown their collective doors off through abject panic (“THERE’S A BOAT! THERE’S THE BANK! STEERING! ROWING! ARGH!”), the four sought some wise words from coach Ross: “Just chill the f**k out”.

The semi final against Staines BC proved to be a much more relaxed race, starting on the up station and settling into a decent rhythm that even the lack of steering control couldn’t disrupt, winding down into the finish and winning by three and half lengths in 4:54. For the final against a fresh Bristol City crew, the boys were back on the down station but feeling confident following some great pre-race starts and having had the steering seen to by the coaches and their magic tool bag. Alas, they were unable to make it a clean sweep for Sport Imperial, visiting both banks on the way down the course and recording a time ten seconds slower than their semi-final. Still, they got some great racing experience going in to Marlow Regatta the following weekend (which is a straight course, by the way…) and provided expert-level banter to keep the girls entertained, so it wasn’t a complete loss.

The women’s elite quad (Chazz Moultrie/Charlie Maile/Ro Smith/Maggie Paxton) raced Sheffield University in their semi-final, winning easily in a time of 5:28. They entertained themselves in the break between races by watching French safe-sex adverts on YouTube. Fun times. For the final, the quad raced Abingdon RC, beating them by one length, making it a clean sweep for the Sport Imperial girls and looking pretty damn good heading in to Henley Women's Regatta this coming weekend. (an emotionally scarred/overly dramatic POD will report on HWR in due course when the memories no longer incite thoughts of self-harm, physical and/or verbal abuse of others).

Ben Anstiss