Women’s Head of the River 2009: Foreboding renditions of the Travis classic ‘Driftwood’ bellowed from the clubroom window in a questionable showing of “support” from the men’s squad. “And you really didn’t think it would happen/But it really is the end of the line.” And so it was for IC A whom after months of winter training to secure a top ten position only managed a 22nd placing. The crew were stung by a swarm of crews with higher standards than previous years, but more critically had to cope with a cox-box failure upon spinning at the start line. Although the race plan had been well studied beforehand this may have cost the crew precious seconds and the coveted honour of club blazers. The result was undeserved for the crew who have worked tirelessly in preparation for this race.

Imperial College A (Ellie Dorman, Rachael Davies, Nicky Smith, Erica Thompson, Selina Graham, Ro Smith, Louise Hart, Chloe Symmonds) finished 22nd overall in 19:56.33 (11th/34 in S2) to overall winners London/Hollandia/Thames/Marlow/UL (18:28.27). Further salt to the wound was the 9th position placing of Osiris BC A whom the IC crew repeatedly rowed through at training a few weeks earlier. Cox Tom Fieldman, younger brother of top-international-world-renowned-elite-crème-de-la-crème-de-la-coxswain Henry Fieldman (and modest too) was at the helm of the crew. Fieldman Junior was instrumental in the crews’ improvement in the final weeks of preparation and is highly rated by coaches and crew at Imperial. It has never been explicitly said that Tom is better at coxing than Henry, but the elder sibling was shocked at the mere suggestion. “F*ck my life! Man, you actually rate Tom higher than me, are you kidding?! What does he have that I don’t?” There was little hesitation before the response: “Charm.” Ex-ex-UL-cox Henry was undoubtedly feeling guilty having coxed the women’s UL8+ in direct competition against the IC crew, with UL placing 18th. “Who is coxing you at Heineken?” “You could.” “Eh, well, eh, I’ll probably have to cox the men’s crew… but I can cox you for a Henley race.” The women’s squad gratefully accept these crumbs from the master’s table.

Imperial College B (Christina Matteotti, Alice Smitheman, Stef Menashe, Clarice Chung, Georgie Philips, Christina Duffy, Hannah Rouse, Cynthia Mynhardt) were coxed by Nicola Quinn-Pyatt and placed 97th overall, 29th/69 in S3. There was little expectation for the crew composed of a bow pair who were taken out of rowing retirement, a post stress-fractured three seat and a novice at four. Officer Duffy was not impressed at being hurried through her pre-race stretching regime; “Unless you want my shins to explode mid-race - you’ll let me stretch”. With enough yield in their calves to go the distance and back they rowed their little hearts out and secured the top 100 placing they have been aiming for all year, ahem. An epic overtaking of RUMS was the highlight which started at Barnes Bridge and wasn’t completed until a few lengths before Putney Bridge. But it was done and that’s all that matters.

Imperial College C (Julia Hong, Tamsin Bromley-May, Ranalie Karunartne, Ellie Berry, Carla Canturri, Ella Burroughes, Rose Stainthorp, Natasha Ganecki) were coxed by Libby Richards and came 226th overall 20th/45 in the Novice Academic category. This is a 100 place drop from last year’s novice crew who came 126th overall (4th/48 in Novice Academic). IC C managed to beach themselves on the way up to the start rendering the steering control unpredictable. The crew pin-balled their way down the course and were lucky to escape with just a single time penalty for impeding other competitors.

When racing was complete all crews retired to the Jolly Gardeners to ponder their fate. Inebriated chat reached an all-time low after the disappointing results were released. Locals later complained of rowdy IC students discussing shapes; “If I was a shape, I would so be an ellipse.” “No-no it’s all about the circle, an ellipse is just a posh circle. You want to get down with the common shapes.” The party ended at London RC with more shapes thrown around the dance-floor.

Despite being driftwood; hollow and of no use, there were no reports of waterfalls finding, binding or grinding any of the three crews. The pre-race serenade led by Will Todd, Tom Bell and Adam Seward resonated in crews’ minds as they paddled away from the ICBC bat-cave; “Don’t stop believing/Hold on to that feeling.” Because we all believe in IC. The disappointment of IC A comes with the consolation of avoiding a major fashion faux-pas; London fashion week have literally just announced that blazers are last season. They don’t accentuate the female form like an all-in-one can. The crew should be proud of how far they have come in preparation for this race and carry these achievements forward to next weekend in Amsterdam where the Heineken Roeivierkamp takes place on the Amstel river.

Christina Duffy